Filter

Although I was grateful to have a new person around because I figured they would end up with the morning shift I so despise, I did not have a good feeling about Warren* because he was full of tall tales and ADD-fueled energy. During a period of down time, Steve and I were sitting around doing crossword puzzles and the like but Warren seemed to be bored to tears. Honestly I think his pent-up energy may be what caused his mouth filter to malfunction (okay, okay--he probably never had one to begin with). A mouth filter is this essential little thing that connects your brain to your lips and tells you what is acceptable to say out loud and what isn't. Unfortunately Warren's filter had gone on hiatus, probably to a sanitarium. And so he yammered on ceaselessly about various things he really should have kept to himself. These are just a few of the gems I collected from him over a two-day period:
*He's twenty-three and his girlfriend slash baby mama was an eighteen-year-old "good girl" when he met her but he's since corrupted her so now she drinks and smokes and they have a five-month-old son
*His mother-in-law (I'm not sure why he calls her that because he and his girlfriend aren't married. When he asked me if I was married I asked him back and he recoiled in horror and said he would never do something so stupid) hates him but that apparently doesn't stop her from constantly calling his cell phone and leaving messages reminding him to go to church
*He used to work over at this pizza place down the street but he got fired for dealing drugs out of their back room
*He was going to join the Coast Guard but decided against it (good idea, since the last place this guy wants to be is anywhere he could "accidentally" be lost at sea)
I'm guessing that now you understand why I thought Warren was so obnoxious. I didn't think he would last long around here because we do get lulls where there isn't anything to do and if you don't like that then this is definitely the wrong job for you. Plus people with mouth filter malfunctions never last long anywhere other than prison or the concrete foundation under my boss's house so yeah. That is why I wasn't surprised when I arrived for my shift today and discovered that Warren had been fired because Jackie found out about him dealing those drugs. (SUGGESTION TO ALL HOTELS: Perhaps this is why you should start performing background checks? No? Just a thought!) I wasn't the one who told on him, but I am glad he's gone because now I won't have to listen to any more of his bottomless crap. Hopefully Jackie will hire someone else soon, because mark my words
people--I am not getting stuck with that morning shift!
Also newsworthy tonight: I saw a scary, braless, heavily pregnant lady outside smoking. When she came back in I gave her the evil eye, but I don't think she noticed. (After all, it is the only kind of eye I have.)
Brainless skanks really piss me off. I mean, we get it--you're a useless bitch and you hate yourself. But why should your children have to pay for that? The kid hasn't even been born yet and you're already unable to stop yourself from abusing it. Better to just give the baby to my boss. Yes, she'd swallow it whole, boa constrictor-style, but at least it wouldn't suffer through an existence plagued with pain, torment, stints of prostitution, and various unnatural addictions the way it doubtlessly will starting the moment it goes home from the hospital with its mother, Grendel. All I can say is please call the authorities on this woman if you see her.
Oh, and I just heard someone disrespecting our cookies. (And they're chocolate chip tonight, too.) Some anal masticator was talking to his friend in the lobby and he told him our cookies "look amazing, but have a funky aftertaste." I'll show you aftertaste, a**hole--in the form of a tooth-chipping, golf cleat tap dance extravaganza on your face. Now take it back!