Package

A woman came in a little while ago with a lengthy tale of personal tragedy and an odd request. She said that (deep breath) her "cash card" was stolen while she was in Florida (where she lives) but she's going to be here in town for a while so she needs to give the bank a place to send a reissued card and it's not like she's even staying at our hotel or anything but she was just wondering if she could use our address. (Exhale.) If so, she would graciously come and pick it up when it arrived. Time to state the obvious: She appeared to be insane. So of course, I had the following internal responses:

1. Is this whole thing drug-related? It is, isn't it?
2. You want to know if I'll give you permission to use our address so you can send your drugs here?
3. If she's from out of town she's got to be staying somewhere. She can't just be living out of her car. Wait...
4. Is she living out of her car? If not, where is she staying?
5. Why can't the package be sent to that address? (This caused me to revisit query no. 2.)
6. You know what? I don't think I feel like dealing with this crap. Leave me alone.

I told her we couldn't accept mail for anyone other than our guests. When she heard that, she tried to book a room, but she was so strange I suggested she try someplace else. And then she finally left, thanks be to Jesus, my Lord and Savior. Hopefully she won't come back. (At least not until I've left for the day.)

FCQD
Customer: Do you accept Radical* Rewards points?
Me: No, sorry. We can take Crappy* Rewards points, but not Radical Rewards.
Customer: (clearly struggling to function on an adult level but failing) Well, the last time I stayed at your hotel, you took them.
Me: (inwardly) Perhaps you should take a time machine back to that magical day, sir, so that you can pester whoever was working then instead of making me want to slap you to death with my RHOJ now.
Customer: Would you still honor Radical Rewards?
Me: No. We only take Crappy Rewards.
Customer: Okay. (Thoughtful pause) But can you honor Radical Rewards?
Me: JUST CRAPPY REWARDS.
Customer: The last time I was at your hotel I was told you were getting new owners.
Me: We do not have new owners and we are not getting new owners.
Customer: Well…would the new owners accept Radical Rewards?