All right, as promised, I went to the wonderful world of Peter (get your mind out of the gutter or else) and came back with stories. (It's a long trip, but it's cheap, and he sells souvenirs just like Disneyland. For instance, you can buy Barbie & Ken dolls made to look like Peter and his numerous unattractive girlfriends, each sold separately.) This is just a smattering of the things that go down in P town:
*He's looking for a "sugar mama" and it doesn't matter if she's attractive so long as she has money
*He used to be a manager at the movie theater down by the mall and he dated two of the other managers. ("You never want to date below your level--I always date girls on my level or above it.") When word got out about him being a playa pimp it caused so much controversy in the workplace that he was asked to leave
*He said he was half player and half nice guy, meaning half of him is just looking for sex while the other half wants a serious relationship
*He hummed and whistled pretty much non-stop
*At one point I realized he was humming the tune "Shake Your Booty"
*Whenever he sat down, his leg jittered seemingly uncontrollably
*He rapped his knuckles on the counter a lot and it always sounded like someone knocking on the door
*He blew his nose so often and so loudly I feared for his middle ear and my own waning grasp on sanity
*He's crazy
As you can see, Peter has proven himself to be a veritable laugh riot goldmine. Even if I wasn't turning his foolishness into history by faithfully recording it here, I would still be hanging on his every dumb word with a smile on my face because I love crazy people, flat out. Yeah!
I hate to repeat myself but I am really, really hoping this guy ends up on the morning shift. I don't know how much more I can take of the knocking, whistling, humming, jitter-leg, yarn-weaving, and stone cold master pimpin'. It won't be too long now before I break out the bear mace. Or the hot sauce, which would come in handy when it's time to feed Peter to our boss (soon). She likes it spicy. Look, Jackie! Brunch!
No comments:
Post a Comment