Oops

During my shift I like to watch Court TV on the television in the lobby. They're always showing awesome programs like COPS and World's Wildest Police Videos. However, I was doing a crossword in the back room this afternoon when I heard a man say something like "For goodness sake!" and he sounded pretty upset, so I came out to see what was going on. Apparently Forensic Files was showcasing DNA profiling because the screen was filled with nothing but live, magnified sperm. Oops. Not exactly something you want to see in a hotel lobby. Especially not if you're traveling with young children. ("Daddy, what is that stuff?")
Believe it or not, this isn't the first time the TV has disrespected me by broadcasting naughty images. For example, once upon a few weeks ago I was channel-surfing. Our television is an older model so it takes a few seconds for the image to appear once you've selected a channel. Well, right as I selected HBO, the following two things happened:

1. A group of elderly women walked into the lobby and gathered around the television.
2. Two women appeared on the screen and started making out, hard.

I don't think I've ever heard "Well!" and "I never!" uttered that many times before in my life. I tried to change the channel but the ladies were standing directly in front of the TV so I couldn't. All I could do was wait for the deluge of "Your clerks are perverts" complaint letters to begin pouring in, but for some reason they never did. Hmm. Perhaps those ladies secretly enjoy lesbian porn.
On a unrelated note, there's a woman doing push-ups on the lobby floor as I write this. This is the same woman that was just telling another guest about how our complimentary cookies are full of "bad things" like "the flu" and "Mad Cow disease" and how they're totally disgusting anyway so it would be best if he didn't eat them. After he left (presumably to get away from her) without taking any, she turned to me and explained that she said those things because she wanted all the cookies for herself. Nice try bitch, but the cookies are mine.
Oh, and also, the elevator stopped working and so did all the phones. Such good times.