Rudity

A guy just came down here wearing literally nothing save for eyeglasses and a pair of very small gym shorts. I immediately had the following questions for him...

1. How is it you remembered to put the glasses on but you forgot your shirt and shoes?
2. Do you think you're back at your house, where you can act like an unclothed moron without abandon, or what?
3. Who raised you? Donkeys? Or bears?
4. What room are you in, so I can set about bricking it off from the world, Cask of Amontillado-style, after you've retired for the night?
5. Are you the guy that lost his six-pack of Bud Light? Because a) I found it and b) you're drunk, right? You want it back?
6. Do you do this everywhere you go? How many times have you been slapped?
7. Why are you down here? You don't want anything, do you? Oh, please, say you don't want anything.

I also thought, okay, you're an idiot, and your "rudity" is offensive, but if you leave right now I won't feed you to my boss. Sadly, he felt me sending out "get lost, I hate you" rays with my mind so he came over to me, looked me right in the eye (he clearly had no shame) and asked where we kept our plastic utensils. Well, I don't know...but I can tell you that they're not being kept anywhere near me or else I would be using them to crudely blind myself like Oedipus, you naked bastard. Now get back to your room!