Cheeks

And now, for your reading pleasure, I am proud to present to you...a one-act play entitled My Evening With Peter. (Based on true events. Okay, it flat out happened.)

CAST OF CHARACTERS
Peter: Chubby-cheeked, shaggy-haired freak. Could definitely stand to be more awesome.
Taryn: Extremely attractive and intelligent. Could not become more awesome if she tried.

SCENE ONE
(Lights come up to reveal Taryn and Peter standing around behind front desk)
Taryn: So your tendency is to date girls you work with?
Peter: (grinning like a monkey) If the mood strikes.
Taryn: Sounds like you're a player slash pig. A player pig.
Peter: Pretty much.
Taryn: (playing Sudoku) Why do you have a girlfriend, then?
Peter: I don't want a serious relationship, but I like the security of having a girlfriend. I told her that right from the start. I'm not looking to get married. Eventually she's going to have to dump me and get together with someone else, because I am not going to be her last relationship, and she's not going to be mine.
Taryn: (still playing Sudoku) Well, you can't play the field around here, because none of us would date you. Especially not Ashley.
Peter: The pregnant girl?
Taryn: Yep.
Peter: (smiling strangely) What makes you think that would stop me?
Taryn: I don't know...perhaps the fact that she's pregnant?
Peter: (clearly impressed with himself) I like a challenge.
Taryn: (wouldn't be impressed if aliens suddenly appeared and performed Hamlet in its entirety while shooting hotel guests out of a three-story cannon) I never would have guessed you had such dark, dark evil inside your soul. You're so innocent looking.
Peter: Yeah, I get that a lot. Don't let the cheeks fool you--I'm bad!
(Lights out. End)

And...scene! Wasn't that beautiful? (I thought about including the part where Peter called Jackie a c**t, but I just figured no one would believe me on that one. Also, he smokes weed.) After all that, I didn't think tonight could get any better, but then Jackie got into an argument with one of the construction workers in the back room. It was pretty heated. I didn't know she ever even raised her voice (she's never yelled at me) but she and this guy were going at it, and not in a good way. It was totally sweet. I wish I could have taped it. But alas, I don't have a tape recorder. So you get nothing, and like it.