Felons

Today a girl came in and handed me a completed job application. She seemed normal enough until I snuck a peek at her resume and realized that she'd listed a few felony convictions...and you know what that means. It means it's time for a little multiple choice! Did she serve time for:

A) Sale and delivery of cocaine
B) Possession of pornographic tapes involving animals on the endangered species list
C) Battery on law enforcement
D) Both A and C
E) All of the above

The answer is D. I know, I know--you're disappointed because you were hoping it was E. Well, me too, but life is full of disappointment, case in point, my job. This is just speculation on my part, but I don't think my boss is going to hire this girl. She's just too good for this place. Moving on now...how about another fun-filled multiple choice? My customers are like a**holes because:

A) Actually there's no "like" about it, they're just a**holes, flat out
B) They're typically quite rude--so much so, in fact, that they make me want to stomp their esophagus full of holes with my trusty golf cleats until their nickname becomes "Philharmonic" because their every breath sounds like a f**king orchestra tuning up
C) Damn, they suck. I wish my boss would eat everyone that stays here
D) Both A and C
E) All of the above

Okay, obviously my rage got the better of me as I wrote that last one. I gotta work on that, but it's hard to because I spend the best parts of my day languishing in this jerk-filled dump. Signing off now.